Oreo  Test  

Oreo Cookie Personality Test Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo.

Your Personality:

'The whole thing.'
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

'One bite at a time.'
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

'Slow and Methodical.'
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

'Feverous Nibbles.'
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

'Dunked.'
Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie. You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

'Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie.'
You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

'Just the cookie, not the inside.'
You enjoy pain.

'I just like to lick them, not eat them'
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

'I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies.'
You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you.


   The   breathalyzer  

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loves to charge around the nursing home taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her and some of the men actually join in. One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Crazy Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "Stop!", he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted," Stop! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Mad Malcolm stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand. "Oh, no" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"

   Dear  Abby  

Great story about human nature; enjoy. Dear Abby: I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door... There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test. Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

   The   truth  < SIZE="+3">or  < SIZE="+1">a  < SIZE="+0">lie?  

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
  "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently 'widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."   "Don't worry," Jack said. "Well, be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light" The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

  About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on  our ski holiday up North?"

  "Yes, I do.

  "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night,  go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

  "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being  found out. "I have to admit that I did."

  "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
  Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

  "She just died and left me everything."

  (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't  you?)


   Intimate  

This is a laugh for all those women out there who so look forward to that wonderful time once a year when they get to be "intimate" with their OB/GYN doctor! In Sydney, Australia, one of the radio stations pays $1000-$5000 for people to tell their most embarrassing stories.This one netted the winner $5000....Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m.The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at leastpresentable.I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes,hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in.Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, I looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond.When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and wenthome.The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking,etc. After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?"I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

The   Horth

This couple owns a horse farm, and gets a call from a friend, who tells them, "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over." The midget arrives, and the owners ask if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies. So the owners show him a mare. The midget says, "Wet me thee her feet." So they pick up and inspect all her feet. "Nith looking horth. Can you pick me up an' wet me thee her mouf?" So the guy picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nith mouf. Hold me up a little higher tho I can thee her eyeths?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's eyes. "Ok, waise me up a wittle higher tho I can wook in her eerths." Now the owner is getting a little pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the horses ears. "OK, now, tan I thee her twat?" With that, the owner picks up the midget walks around behind and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head and wiping his face, the midget says, "Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Tan I thee her wun awownd?"

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