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The Screen

The screen is before me, the names appear quickly.As I sit on my bed and watch the room fill with laughing people, I'm reminded how quickly things can change. The love of another human being is so precious, and taken for granted by so many of us.

As I watch in silence, so many lives are in front of my eyes. Do these people know they are loved? Can they know how it feels to want only to be loved in return?

Laughter is filling the screen now, smiles are hidden behind the keyboards and the many different accents of all the happy people are hidden as well. Do you hear their accents in your mind as you read? Is it Southern? Is it Northern? Or is it only your own that sounds itself in your minds ear? Can we really know any of the many funny looking names that scroll quickly past our eyes? Do they love? Are they loved? Do they care if they are loved or not? Does it even matter?

I sit on my bed, watching the screen fly by at lightning speed. All the hidden happy smiles, all the hidden frowning tears. No one will know if I just pretend! I can chat with my tears and type "lol" and no one can see, the hurting in me.

How different we all can be. How far apart we are, yet can feel so close to some. Can words on a screen really bring comfort? Do the words come with truth? Is this all a daydream, people that care for me? Can we really care for the person behind the words? It is odd at most, to 'feel' for the words. Never before did I read words with such feeling. It is becoming too much! I can't believe those words! Love and caring from around the world, no matter our color nor financial status? I shut it off before I cry again. Yet, I find myself drawn to it."Turn me back on, I will comfort you", it seems to say. I will obey the calling once again. I need to go lightly, lets see who is on. What will our subject be now?

Let's chat about the weather shall we? Here it is cold, but there it is hot! Raining down here for weeks now!" WE sure could use some of your rain up here!" " HEY... you can HAVE our rain man, we gots way to much of it now!" The fires continue here, we really need your rain!

 The names go bye quickly ,I see lots of hugs and kisses to all the women from the men. Is it real? Would they really hug me? Or kiss me in my sadness? Is it easy to type an emotion but not ever feel it in our hearts? So many names, all looking so strange and joyfully bouncing along. I think I will keep it, joining in on the fun! If laughing alone is better with one then not to be laughing at all, I will sit on my bed, laugh at the screen and cry at it too. I will know it is there when I need a lift or have a story to tell. I will experience emotion!
  All on the screen, on the little black box!

by Brenda29
8/10/2002
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Like Father, like son.

When you see Dale Jr. on the run,
You think to yourself, "Like father...like son".
You see that number 8 go by.
He goes down low and he goes up high.
You smile to yourself knowing who that must be.
Of course, we all know that it's Little E.
He runs hard and he runs fast
And you marvel at how many cars he's passed.
A determined look upon his face,
He's trying hard to win the race.
Bump-draft, love-taps, he knows them all.
He rides on the apron and skims the wall.
And though he's only just begun,
You say to yourself, "Like father...like son".
Author: Ruth Mattern , with permission
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First Snow

I sat quietly by the window.
The sky was a light gray.
Little white flakes fell from the sky.
It was quiet.

As I sat watching, I could feel the warmth from the radiator warming my back. Yet, when the wind blew, cool air kissed my face.

It was a cold day beyond the glass.
To be able to watch as all the earth was being covered in a comforting blanket of snow, memories of days long ago filled my mind.
So many changes. So much still the same.

The children love to play out in the snow. Laughing, with red faces as they slide and build forts. Snow angels and snow castles occupy their minds.
Freedom from worry for only today is present for them. Yes, to remember those days.

I sat by my window today. remembering with fondness the happiness of youth. Longing for those days again. Hoping today's children are filled with the wonders of winter's First Snow.

  by Brenda29
december 5, 2001
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The Alarm

I went to the window and what did I see? A very large black bird staring at me.
I raised up my hand and said,"Bird go away.....you've been hollering and screaming in this window all day!"
It lifted it's wings,"I've got something to say....you were very glad to have me, yesterday!"
It flew from the tree, went high in the sky, when suddenly it dawned on me, I remembered why!
For late I did sleep, with appointments to keep, the alarm it surly did fail.
Where out in the tree, a family of three, continued to holler and wail.
As I awoke from my slumber, my mind it did wonder, how late has it gotten to be? The clock it did say, girl be on your way, so I hurried as fast as can be!
Appointments were met and this you can bet, blackbirds can stay...at my window all day. For their clocks are on time, their songs they will chime, and late no more will I be!
 by Brenda29
August 10, 2002
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Brenda's Surprise

Guess what everyone? Tonight I went to my singing class/rehearsal as i always do. Only our conductor had a little surprise for us. She wouldn't tell us what but had us asking her 20 questions that could only be answered yes or no. After the 20 had past, we still did not know who... we did know it was a HE...Not a singer...not a musician....nor dancer! He had a beard...was famous...not just locally but Nation wide! Not a comedian, poet, or from another country. By now we are getting antsy yelling for her to tell us! She would not! Grrrrr we said! LOL So she had us go up front on the "STAGE" and we continued practicing our songs. Now I am one of the shortest people in my chorus, so I get to stand front and center. As we were singing a song, all of a sudden there were these people coming into the church! We all looked of course, and it was...ready?.....AL GORE!!!! O M G!!! We were so surprised!!! Al Gore! and a bunch of other political people with him including Bert Cohen!! WE all cheered and clapped our hands in pure JOY!! He came in and said, "I hear you want to sing a couple of songs for us?" We erupted in applause again! Joanne (our conductor) invited them to come sit in the pews, get comfy and we were ready. Our first song was "Finlandia" a song of peace for lands afar and mine! Very beautiful piece.We learned this song JUST for our trip to Ireland this past summer.For our next song, Joanne asked AL if he would like to conduct us. Laughter broke out and cheers as well! He got up and she showed him the basics. We started our next song, which is our "signature song", I FEEL LIKE GOING ON. This is an African-American gospel, about going on after tragedy. Very fitting!!! He laughed his way through conducting us as well as our laughter for following him. He really ham'd it up! It WAS so much fun!!! That small group with Mr.Gore cheered him on and the church was filled with much excitement!~ Our final song was "The Storm Is Passing Over" another gospel about having endured hard times, now it will get better. Applause filled the room for many minutes. It was SO exciting! AL took the mic and thanked us for one, singing to him and his friends, and two, for singing inspiring songs. Three, for going to Ireland and raising so much money for the battered women and children! He told us to keep up the good work!! He put down the mic and started walking towards us. He looked right at me and extended his hand, we shook hands!!~ I SHOOK HANDS WITH AL GORE!! WAAAAAAHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!   He shook hands with many of the women but I was first! It was just so Awesome!!! I wanted to share this with you my friends, I am so happy and excited! This is the first time I've ever met a famous person!~~OK, enough about me, how was your day? ~Brenda29~
October, 2001
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Appreciate

Lisa Beamer on Good Morning America- If you remember, she's the wife of Todd Beamer who said 'Let's Roll!' and helped take down the plane that was heading for Washington D. C. She said it's the little things that she misses most about Todd, such as hearing the garage door open as he came home, and her children running to meet him. She's now the Mom of a beautiful little girl, Mary. Lisa recalled this story: I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some of her insight with a classroom of students. As the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows and the class was nearly over, she moved a few things aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there. With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, Class is over, I would like to share with all of you, a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important. Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is God's way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day. With her eyes beginning to water, she went on, So I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn't have to be something you see, it could be a scent, perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone's house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life. The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted. We must make it important to notice them, for at anytime...it can all be taken away. The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently. That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while,I think of that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate all of those things that sometimes we all overlook. Take notice of something special you see on your lunch hour today. Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off on the way home tonight to get a double dip ice cream cone. For as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
As told by Lisa Beamer
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Wandering

Wandering through the darkness.
I can feel his love.
There is a wall protecting that love from any possible harm.
Can I climb it?
I can't see it but I know it's there.
It is sweet and bitter at once like eating Sweetarts™. I want more...help me find it.

I walk with outstretched arms, bumping my way thru the blackness.
WHAT? I AM WRONG???
NO love there for ME?
No wait,...I KNOW it is there ....please, let me stay.....
I know that It's here....
NO!..don't take it from me, it is MINE now!
I NEED it to fill my dying heart!!!
PLEASE??

          Darkness fills my soul.
Lost love that is like a twisting knife in my wounded heart.
Will it ever be mine?
NO! It is my destiny to always long for the untouchable love of that one man.
The one who knows me to the bone, yet loves me anyway.
In my next life it will be there, how long do I have to wait for that one to come to me?
      Longing for that gentle touch. Eyes that speak to the soul without a sound. My skin knows it is there, hiding behind the wall. Tomorrow I will find it.

~Brenda29~ 1997

Click for Some Writings that have touched me.

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